St. Paul

               “Paul had many demons within. I mean because he had many demons within him, he was a fighter. Paul was a persuasive persecutor and he persecuted none more than himself. He took what little he knew of me (i.e. Jesus)… and he made it into what he thought I was. Paul and I met once.

               Paul dwelt in fear - fear of being discovered, fear of not being acceptable - and so he took the offensive. Paul was bold. He was a small, wiry man with piercing eyes and a dominant air about him. Paul was quite fearless, but he was fearless out of fear. His very fear gave him courage. Because he couldn't love, because he hated so much, that made him bold.

               Now, he came in an encounter with me and all of his so-called boldness melted away. Paul was a powerful man. …For many years Rome considered Paul an ally because he persecuted. They would say to Paul ‘Go kill’ and Paul went and killed or had them killed…

                But you didn't walk up and reason with Paul because Paul was a know-it-all. …Paul never admitted to anyone, ‘I didn't know that,’ so one had to get Paul's attention. You know, there is nothing like putting a man flat on his bottom and standing over him to get his attention. That will do it every time.

               But Paul had to deal with his own internal demons, one of which Paul lived in great fear that it be found out that he was a homosexual. Paul didn't know what to do with that. He hated it. He hated himself. Because he had such self-hatred and self-loathing for himself, this is why he could go and kill. You have to hate yourself so completely if you are going to be in a position to slay another.

               Now, when Paul and I encountered one another, Paul was on the way to Qumran. Paul wanted to infiltrate the Essenes, for he felt he could do his best work there, but I intercepted him. I saw in Paul a great light, a light that if it were liberated in truth and in love, would be a grounding force for the good news, but Paul had first to release and let go of his fear. How do you counteract such deep fear? With a deeper love. With a deeper love…

               Here he was… just him and me. Part of it was shock therapy because Paul knew I was dead and yet there I was. Part of it was a total disbelief facing his total disbelief, facing the truth that there is life even after the body has been lain away and that there is an abiding love that can take a man like Paul, who quivered on the ground… He couldn't look at me at first until I commanded him to… And he looked at me and he felt love. For the first and only time in his life, Paul felt love.

               When a person is so full of self-hatred and so full of the damnation of the ages that was preached to him and taught to him and in his blood, when love first is encountered, it is a completely debilitating power that comes over the person and from the very spirit of them outward, it wrecks havoc. It takes away everything they have ever believed in. All of Paul's belief system, that which was bred into his bones, was on trial here on that mountain path. Everything that he had thought about, believed in, taught, did, stood before him absolutely helpless and in its place was a power, not of the sword but of the soul, not of hatred and of conquering but of love and acceptance, not of condemnation and judgment, of which Paul was full of both, but of forgiveness and truth.

               And as we met, I watched the fear, the hate, every false and untrue thing of this great light fall away…he lay there looking at me and he said, ‘What would you have me do?

               I said, ‘Well, first of all, they're not going to let you in that ashram. They are not going to let you in because you are Paul and they know who you are. …The only way they're going to let you in there is if you are in need. If you are totally absolutely helpless and absolutely no threat to them whatsoever. And he said, ‘ But I have no horse. I have no weapons. I have nothing. I can't hurt them.’  I said, ‘But you can see them and you can name them before the Roman soldiers.’ I said, ‘I would have you be blind then you can't identify anyone, can you? You can't point a finger and say, that man was there.’ He said, ‘So be it then’ and Paul was blind.

               Now, one thing about the Essene community - they were loving, helpful people. …So, when Paul approached, at first there was fear. They peered out at him and they saw no army with him, no soldiers. Here was a man groping, calling out, ‘Help me. Help me!’ Ironically, it was the women that took him in. Paul didn't like women. They brought him in and they set him down and they sent for the healers.

               In the meantime, of course, angels had gone into Quamran and prepared these people for the visitation of Paul. The reaction is rather interesting. When the angels came to the seers and the prophets and they said to them, ‘We are sending you Paul of Tarsus…’

               ‘What? Are you out of your mind?’

               ‘Do you believe that God would send you anything that is not a blessing? Oh, that was a tough question. There was a tough question.

               Their instincts, their way of life, their way of believing said, ‘Of course not,’ but the human side of them said, ‘You're sending us Paul?’ It was a battle, and hence came faith. Do we believe what our senses tell us, which is to run, to block him out, to not allow? That was looking backward. That was going back to the old ways. Or do we open the gates, the doors of our hearts, the windows of our mind, and do we take in this man, for God has spoken and we must listen?

               And so they took in Paul. And they kept him there and they taught him their version of me, and they taught him mostly about himself that he was a Child of God, that any honors or degrees that he had from Rome had no value at all in this realm of the human heart.

               In the realm of the soul, there is only one criterium to be met and that is to love and honor yourself and all your fellow human beings - to love God, to seek God with all of your beingness and to love completely and without conditions. And this is what they were teaching him, as much by what he felt there as by what he ultimately began to learn.

               When the human spirit hears the sounding fork of truth, of absolute love, regardless of the personality, regardless of anything else, there comes the response: ‘Yes, Father, I am here. Yes, I am,’ and in that response, in that moment, that sacred holy instant of truth, the son of God has come home. Paul heard the words, Paul felt the power, and Paul came home.

               As with all humans, at this moment of the encounter, there is this absolute dedication, this absolute complete commitment that is made and truly, truly felt. But… the encounter is sacred and holy, but living it becomes the difficult part. Because now you are facing everything around you that tells you, ‘Thou shalt not.’

               And yet burning within you is this ‘Yes, you can,’ this knowing, this loving. And so there are two voices that besiege you: one, the voice of truth; the other, the voice of the past. Because you are conditioned to listen to the past, because you are conditioned to old ways, the voice of the past becomes louder and louder and louder and the ability to follow what is within becomes weaker and weaker.

               And so, like everyone else, Paul vacillated between the old beliefs and between his new encounter. I tell you these things because I want you to recognize that in you is the second sounding fork. In you, is that aspect of the response to truth and to love, whether it be from my words or whether it be from something else; It doesn't matter. When you hear it, you will know it and it will awaken in you something that you have to follow. You have to follow! You cannot deny it. It will take you where you need to be. It will open for you your own internal truth, your own ability to be all that you can be, and there and then side attractions can't hold you.

               Paul went forth and did mighty things! Some of them quite in error but nonetheless, he never faltered. He never stopped to think of his own safety. He just went and he did it… he did it with a great conviction.”

02/22/2026 Blog. Yeshua and Archangel Gabriel, CHRIST BECOMING, Pgs. 221-227. Copyright 2018 Rev. Penny Donovan. All rights reserved. To buy this book, please click here.